Activist
It's hard to feel strongly about something but not to act on the urge to reprimand others. A lot of times I think, when we reprimand (or say something to the effect that someone should have done something a different way) we are really unable to control our anger. And that makes us ineffective, because people don't really respond well to anger.
Those who are proud, reject you because you are angry and think it is then simply a personal attack. They can then attack you back personally rather than taking your words with consideration. Even if they are not proud, they may not respect you enough to consider your authority. And even children can sense anger - I always thought my parents had no legitimate right to cane me because even if they said it was for my own good, their actions were discernibly based on frustration and anger.
Those who are not proud, but eager to please, will try to absorb your message and change. However because you are so angry, they don't feel able to approach you to ask for help. They might try to change perfunctorily, but still fear your anger for the next time. And when you're not there anymore, they aren't reminded of the need to act differently.
It is one of the hardest things in the world to change a person. It can't be something undertaken for the sake of it - to be proud of changing the most people, to have power over people. People don't really change for things like that. Even if they tried, they could only truly change after believing in your message, then learning how to implement it. It takes a lot of time to change someone, after a whole range of trying and failing and still choosing to try again. The alternative is a momentary acquiescence, then going on with their usual lives.
Perhaps the best way to change people is through your relationship with them. If your relationship with them is at the point when they take you seriously, then something you say in a calm way, to the effect that: "I would not have done that or it could have been done better this way", will be considered and questioned to full understanding and then perhaps absorbed. And because the person respects you to some extent, they will wonder how they could take on the qualities that they admire for the long term, and keep thinking back to your words. So it is best to focus on your own actions before focusing on theirs.
Also, as the person who wishes to change yourself too, to keep up with your moral standards, you don't want to act on anger. It's an ugly thing to do, and it is distinctly not loving or building up people.
Those who are proud, reject you because you are angry and think it is then simply a personal attack. They can then attack you back personally rather than taking your words with consideration. Even if they are not proud, they may not respect you enough to consider your authority. And even children can sense anger - I always thought my parents had no legitimate right to cane me because even if they said it was for my own good, their actions were discernibly based on frustration and anger.
Those who are not proud, but eager to please, will try to absorb your message and change. However because you are so angry, they don't feel able to approach you to ask for help. They might try to change perfunctorily, but still fear your anger for the next time. And when you're not there anymore, they aren't reminded of the need to act differently.
It is one of the hardest things in the world to change a person. It can't be something undertaken for the sake of it - to be proud of changing the most people, to have power over people. People don't really change for things like that. Even if they tried, they could only truly change after believing in your message, then learning how to implement it. It takes a lot of time to change someone, after a whole range of trying and failing and still choosing to try again. The alternative is a momentary acquiescence, then going on with their usual lives.
Perhaps the best way to change people is through your relationship with them. If your relationship with them is at the point when they take you seriously, then something you say in a calm way, to the effect that: "I would not have done that or it could have been done better this way", will be considered and questioned to full understanding and then perhaps absorbed. And because the person respects you to some extent, they will wonder how they could take on the qualities that they admire for the long term, and keep thinking back to your words. So it is best to focus on your own actions before focusing on theirs.
Also, as the person who wishes to change yourself too, to keep up with your moral standards, you don't want to act on anger. It's an ugly thing to do, and it is distinctly not loving or building up people.
Labels: anger, reflections
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