the wonder of God
I am constantly being overwhelmed by God. It's amazing to realise that there's some way I can be honest to myself and not be afraid - or at least, while I am afraid, being rejuvenated by God constantly in this cycle of up and down - so that I can act on what I have determined is right to do, so that I can inch closer to becoming the person I want to be.
I am so, so human and so afraid that I can't be all those things that are good. Constantly failing my goals, constantly feeling inefficient or inadequate or worst (being whiny)!
An aside: Recently this friend asked me what was wrong with being whiny, or why I would whine and then stop because I didn't want to be too whiny. So here's my explanation, as far as I can develop it now: I don't want to be whiny because I know a lot of the stuff I whine about is really my own fault, and I have no real locus standi (ooh law term) to whine about it. And really, I ought to be thanking God for allowing me to live on and for forgiving me and loving me. And also, I want to smile at people and be a friend to them, not bring my bad moods upon them.
Also a distinguisher: There's a difference between whining because you're in a bad mood, and whining for fun. Whining for fun is, well, for fun. It's exaggerated whining that you do because you have the ability to think of absurd scenarios and parodies, and you would like to see if you can make your friends roll their eyes.
But God is my well of strength, my inspiration to go on in spite of all the failures that occur because of my own flaws. So, although I am quite sure I will still whine, help me remember that there is no cause.
I am so, so human and so afraid that I can't be all those things that are good. Constantly failing my goals, constantly feeling inefficient or inadequate or worst (being whiny)!
An aside: Recently this friend asked me what was wrong with being whiny, or why I would whine and then stop because I didn't want to be too whiny. So here's my explanation, as far as I can develop it now: I don't want to be whiny because I know a lot of the stuff I whine about is really my own fault, and I have no real locus standi (ooh law term) to whine about it. And really, I ought to be thanking God for allowing me to live on and for forgiving me and loving me. And also, I want to smile at people and be a friend to them, not bring my bad moods upon them.
Also a distinguisher: There's a difference between whining because you're in a bad mood, and whining for fun. Whining for fun is, well, for fun. It's exaggerated whining that you do because you have the ability to think of absurd scenarios and parodies, and you would like to see if you can make your friends roll their eyes.
But God is my well of strength, my inspiration to go on in spite of all the failures that occur because of my own flaws. So, although I am quite sure I will still whine, help me remember that there is no cause.
Labels: God, life, school, the human stain, whining
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