white clouds passing
I've been feeling almost desperate lately in my need to find meaning in life. Or maybe it's better phrased as a direction in life, a direction that I want wholeheartedly to follow. Something tells me a true Christian shouldn't feel like they were created just to fill God's loneliness, or because their parents wanted to have their own happy family, and definitely a true Christian shouldn't feel that to have more children would be unforgivable because there isn't enough happiness in life to justify the sad and lonely moments.
Or maybe that would be forgivable, feeling that the bad outweighs the good in this world, but they should still feel like children should be brought into the world because they create more souls that have the chance to experience the supreme serenity and happiness of heaven.
Meanwhile, life goes on. Co-existing with my family members (save my older sister and father) in Bali, having so much fun whitewater-rafting and discovering cinnamon soap, also finding out that my sister had decided to imitate my supposed 'Charmaine face', talking to ggy on the phone, and last night, going to an apartment at Raffles Place for a 6R outing that passed way too fast. I even could talk to E rather civilly although I still am resisting the temptation to link him to this post. I discovered that certain people had become more talkative (ZH) or mellow with age (ZJ, who cooked some mexican beef thing with dark chocolate!). And there were funny and memorable moments, like when we high-fived D on the escalator going down separate directions in the MRT, and when E found out N (his very good friend) had forgotten to check whether there was beef on the pizzas he'd ordered. :)
And life goes on, in knowing that the inevitable will come to pass, that things have never been as they seem, that you have to make a decision to do something with your life or spend your days in mediocrity. That horrible betrayal does exist close around the corner.
I wish I could just be alright. Right now.
Or maybe that would be forgivable, feeling that the bad outweighs the good in this world, but they should still feel like children should be brought into the world because they create more souls that have the chance to experience the supreme serenity and happiness of heaven.
Meanwhile, life goes on. Co-existing with my family members (save my older sister and father) in Bali, having so much fun whitewater-rafting and discovering cinnamon soap, also finding out that my sister had decided to imitate my supposed 'Charmaine face', talking to ggy on the phone, and last night, going to an apartment at Raffles Place for a 6R outing that passed way too fast. I even could talk to E rather civilly although I still am resisting the temptation to link him to this post. I discovered that certain people had become more talkative (ZH) or mellow with age (ZJ, who cooked some mexican beef thing with dark chocolate!). And there were funny and memorable moments, like when we high-fived D on the escalator going down separate directions in the MRT, and when E found out N (his very good friend) had forgotten to check whether there was beef on the pizzas he'd ordered. :)
And life goes on, in knowing that the inevitable will come to pass, that things have never been as they seem, that you have to make a decision to do something with your life or spend your days in mediocrity. That horrible betrayal does exist close around the corner.
I wish I could just be alright. Right now.
Labels: 6R outing, bali, class outing, family, God, reflections
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