mindblock
Seriously, I can't function anymore. I cannot. One more night of staying here til late, with the offices around me all dark because all my associates have gone home early. One more day trying to produce your best, trying to look a little further for a case, trying to get your mind to focus on what you're reading, trying to parse what you're reading.
One more day of people pushing you more when you already say you are on this and this thing, due when. One more day when you've slotted in nicely to go home at your regular 10pm so you can take your 1 hr 15 min transport home and still get enough sleep for the next day, and they ask you to do more things but tell you that, "If possible, try not to claim cab. This matter is not that urgent, it's just that I was waiting for you to get less busy" or "Our client is not that rich". One more day of arriving at 9am because your mentor says that this team is strict on timelines and how she should probably scold the associates, to see the rest stroll in at 10am (except for one other one who comes 9ish, but who has tendered). One more day when they say, "Sorry, it's urgent, sorry that you have to work over the weekend" when you were already planning to work the weekend.
One more day of bureaucracy. One more day of researching lots of gift ideas and settling on something which everyone votes for, and asking your boyfriend to help you get it because you just can't leave the office, except that that person already has it and blames you for "not doing your research" when that same person gets upset when people ask her what she wants. "There are ways to find out," she says, and yes there are, but not when the people closest to you are unapproachable, have been on long leave, are busy with other things and tell you they have no opinion as to your present... And now you don't even feel justified to claim the shares of the present from everyone because you got a bad gift.
It's not a life. It could so easily be bearable, if they were a little more human, a little more understanding, a little more team-like, if at least when you stayed late, others were staying with you. If your SS even said hello to you when he walked by your desk, or if he would talk to you other than when he gives you some mega big piece of work, that's of course, non-chargeable and has to be done to top standard because it's how he evaluates me personally.
I have to do certain things by certain times. And I will push myself to do them. I won't be able to do them as fast as I want to. It'll cut into my sleeping time. It'll cut into my family time (non-existent), my time with my friends. And I will. But I can't do this much longer, unless something changes. It's such a day to day existence, because you can't see past the next day, can't contemplate how you'd get through. If it changes, then I might think again. But if not, I don't see how I could choose to sell my life to this and think I've made a good choice.
God, help me get through this without becoming bitter. Or help it end quicker, if it's going to be more than I can bear. I could not have lasted this long without you.
One more day of people pushing you more when you already say you are on this and this thing, due when. One more day when you've slotted in nicely to go home at your regular 10pm so you can take your 1 hr 15 min transport home and still get enough sleep for the next day, and they ask you to do more things but tell you that, "If possible, try not to claim cab. This matter is not that urgent, it's just that I was waiting for you to get less busy" or "Our client is not that rich". One more day of arriving at 9am because your mentor says that this team is strict on timelines and how she should probably scold the associates, to see the rest stroll in at 10am (except for one other one who comes 9ish, but who has tendered). One more day when they say, "Sorry, it's urgent, sorry that you have to work over the weekend" when you were already planning to work the weekend.
One more day of bureaucracy. One more day of researching lots of gift ideas and settling on something which everyone votes for, and asking your boyfriend to help you get it because you just can't leave the office, except that that person already has it and blames you for "not doing your research" when that same person gets upset when people ask her what she wants. "There are ways to find out," she says, and yes there are, but not when the people closest to you are unapproachable, have been on long leave, are busy with other things and tell you they have no opinion as to your present... And now you don't even feel justified to claim the shares of the present from everyone because you got a bad gift.
It's not a life. It could so easily be bearable, if they were a little more human, a little more understanding, a little more team-like, if at least when you stayed late, others were staying with you. If your SS even said hello to you when he walked by your desk, or if he would talk to you other than when he gives you some mega big piece of work, that's of course, non-chargeable and has to be done to top standard because it's how he evaluates me personally.
I have to do certain things by certain times. And I will push myself to do them. I won't be able to do them as fast as I want to. It'll cut into my sleeping time. It'll cut into my family time (non-existent), my time with my friends. And I will. But I can't do this much longer, unless something changes. It's such a day to day existence, because you can't see past the next day, can't contemplate how you'd get through. If it changes, then I might think again. But if not, I don't see how I could choose to sell my life to this and think I've made a good choice.
God, help me get through this without becoming bitter. Or help it end quicker, if it's going to be more than I can bear. I could not have lasted this long without you.
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