Attolia
Sometimes it is so amazing to me that, as I am, I can call you "my God".
*
Let me tell you a story.
The King of Attolia tells the tale of a queen who has ruled alone for a very long time. She seized her throne by poisoning her husband-to-be, who had been chosen for her by a father who wanted merely to end his reign his peace. The queen is not a kind or unambitious queen. She has tortured people where necessary, executed people by hanging them upside down off her walls where necessary, to hold on to this throne. Her saving grace? That she loves her people. She unifies her nations against her conniving barons and against ambassadors from greedy foreign nations, so that she can rule over them fairly - if not kindly, if not by loyalty given by loving devotion rather than demanded by fear.
She rose to the throne with the help of a man called Relius, who gave her nothing except a belief in her and his own cunning. He taught her how to navigate political waters, taught her not to trust blindly, and became her spy-master. Eventually, though not deliberately, he failed her. He lied to her about his failure and was about to kill himself, but she caught him in time. He said, "I have failed you, but it was not deliberate. You must believe me."
She says, "Must I?" And they both know, from what he has taught her, that there is no reason she must.
She tortures Relius, of course, so that she can test the truth of his words. She has to test that he has not given out the information that he has acquired, that his mistakes were merely that - mistakes. Later, when Relius's hands are black and bruised like sausages, the newly-married king comes to see him in a cell. A cell remarkable to the king because of the fact that the king himself had once suffered in one, much the same as Relius. At that time, he had suffered in the prison of the queen. Under the hands of Relius, his torturer.
Relius thinks the king has come to taunt him. A reversal of positions has occurred, of course the king would taunt him. And the king fulfills his expectations: doesn't Relius regret serving the queen now?
But Relius says, the queen was perfectly within her right. And, if I was tortured until all I could do was crawl, I would crawl to her feet. To punctuate this, Relius refers to her as "my Queen". Not "Her Majesty", which is what those who have failed her should call her by protocol, for anyone from any nation can address her as that. Because even if he has failed the queen, she has not failed him. She will always be the one he serves.
*
And here. I want to call you "my God". Because no matter how much I fail, no matter how badly I sin, you love me and are willing to be my God. As long as I will come back to accept you and your plans for me, you allow me to claim you in that way. You are simply my God, and even more simply, my Creator. And I hope that if all I could do was crawl, I would crawl back to you. Because I hope that I would know you and believe your truth and your love, and want all that you want enough.
*
Let me tell you a story.
The King of Attolia tells the tale of a queen who has ruled alone for a very long time. She seized her throne by poisoning her husband-to-be, who had been chosen for her by a father who wanted merely to end his reign his peace. The queen is not a kind or unambitious queen. She has tortured people where necessary, executed people by hanging them upside down off her walls where necessary, to hold on to this throne. Her saving grace? That she loves her people. She unifies her nations against her conniving barons and against ambassadors from greedy foreign nations, so that she can rule over them fairly - if not kindly, if not by loyalty given by loving devotion rather than demanded by fear.
She rose to the throne with the help of a man called Relius, who gave her nothing except a belief in her and his own cunning. He taught her how to navigate political waters, taught her not to trust blindly, and became her spy-master. Eventually, though not deliberately, he failed her. He lied to her about his failure and was about to kill himself, but she caught him in time. He said, "I have failed you, but it was not deliberate. You must believe me."
She says, "Must I?" And they both know, from what he has taught her, that there is no reason she must.
She tortures Relius, of course, so that she can test the truth of his words. She has to test that he has not given out the information that he has acquired, that his mistakes were merely that - mistakes. Later, when Relius's hands are black and bruised like sausages, the newly-married king comes to see him in a cell. A cell remarkable to the king because of the fact that the king himself had once suffered in one, much the same as Relius. At that time, he had suffered in the prison of the queen. Under the hands of Relius, his torturer.
Relius thinks the king has come to taunt him. A reversal of positions has occurred, of course the king would taunt him. And the king fulfills his expectations: doesn't Relius regret serving the queen now?
But Relius says, the queen was perfectly within her right. And, if I was tortured until all I could do was crawl, I would crawl to her feet. To punctuate this, Relius refers to her as "my Queen". Not "Her Majesty", which is what those who have failed her should call her by protocol, for anyone from any nation can address her as that. Because even if he has failed the queen, she has not failed him. She will always be the one he serves.
*
And here. I want to call you "my God". Because no matter how much I fail, no matter how badly I sin, you love me and are willing to be my God. As long as I will come back to accept you and your plans for me, you allow me to claim you in that way. You are simply my God, and even more simply, my Creator. And I hope that if all I could do was crawl, I would crawl back to you. Because I hope that I would know you and believe your truth and your love, and want all that you want enough.
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