Life
Too much time to think about things; but I think I use it more for worrying than for thinking clearly. I fight to think more and more clearly, to see the dimensions of thought I have trapped myself in - but sometimes I think even if I see them, I can't really get out of them - only see them - but then sometimes even being aware lets us take little steps out of them, true or false?
"It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it." - Lou Holtz
Some gradual thoughts that have been cranked out of my brain's workings (imagine the screech of metal as the edges of gears push into a sort of fitting and force the system on): how sinful I am - I think I am getting much more aware of myself in this way - how much more helpless I am.
Standing at the edge of a precipice; not being able to see yet what's beyond. We're all like this really, mortals, even the most self-assured reach a point in life when they have to shift their thinking. But in that way, it's assuring that it's never actually been different from this, only I've fooled myself otherwise. There have been those moments where my view of what the world can do changes - when a circumstance I thought unimaginable before has presented itself to me, and when all I can do is learn to adjust and cope.
I want to be free of all these limitations, but I hesitate because I do see how people have to know themselves and be realistic and I'm not sure yet where to draw the balance. Do I cling to what I know of the past, or can I try to live as a blank slate? Is it even possible to try to live as a blank slate when these thoughts are still in my mind?
Each step for a human takes a lot of time, and reaps perhaps less than we imagined it would reap. Yet we could have a lot of time, and it could be very worth it.
I'm learning how to be myself, in a way. The more I'm released by the things external to me that I fear, the more I am free to be myself. And it makes sense too to learn how to claim my uniqueness freely, because what happens when you resist being strange is that you end up being strange anyway, and then you are strange and unhappy.
“You are someone who is different, but who wants to be the same as everyone else. And that in my view is a serious illness. God chose you to be different.” —Paulo Coelho
Happiness is when you learn to want what you have/are at the present moment. When you learn how to accept what is out of your hands to change. Happiness comes when you learn true freedom.
“The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion.” - Albert Camus
As a friend would ask, "How does God fit in this?"
And really, how does he? I guess for my narrative, he fits into the slot of that Being that I trust in. What some of you might name Fate - for me, He's my element of Intentionality, one whose character I have yet to learn all of, but whom I believe I can only know more of with faith and by following the future's path.
"Restlessness and impatience change nothing except our peace and joy. Peace does not dwell in outward things, but in the heart prepared to wait trustfully and quietly on Him who has all things safely in His hands." - Elisabeth Elliot
At this confluence of life and a mind bubbling and brewing, I guess the most definite point I can conclude is this: I have a long way more to go yet. But take your time, because slowly I believe that you will see what you came here on Earth to live.
"It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it." - Lou Holtz
Some gradual thoughts that have been cranked out of my brain's workings (imagine the screech of metal as the edges of gears push into a sort of fitting and force the system on): how sinful I am - I think I am getting much more aware of myself in this way - how much more helpless I am.
Standing at the edge of a precipice; not being able to see yet what's beyond. We're all like this really, mortals, even the most self-assured reach a point in life when they have to shift their thinking. But in that way, it's assuring that it's never actually been different from this, only I've fooled myself otherwise. There have been those moments where my view of what the world can do changes - when a circumstance I thought unimaginable before has presented itself to me, and when all I can do is learn to adjust and cope.
I want to be free of all these limitations, but I hesitate because I do see how people have to know themselves and be realistic and I'm not sure yet where to draw the balance. Do I cling to what I know of the past, or can I try to live as a blank slate? Is it even possible to try to live as a blank slate when these thoughts are still in my mind?
Each step for a human takes a lot of time, and reaps perhaps less than we imagined it would reap. Yet we could have a lot of time, and it could be very worth it.
I'm learning how to be myself, in a way. The more I'm released by the things external to me that I fear, the more I am free to be myself. And it makes sense too to learn how to claim my uniqueness freely, because what happens when you resist being strange is that you end up being strange anyway, and then you are strange and unhappy.
“You are someone who is different, but who wants to be the same as everyone else. And that in my view is a serious illness. God chose you to be different.” —Paulo Coelho
Happiness is when you learn to want what you have/are at the present moment. When you learn how to accept what is out of your hands to change. Happiness comes when you learn true freedom.
“The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion.” - Albert Camus
As a friend would ask, "How does God fit in this?"
And really, how does he? I guess for my narrative, he fits into the slot of that Being that I trust in. What some of you might name Fate - for me, He's my element of Intentionality, one whose character I have yet to learn all of, but whom I believe I can only know more of with faith and by following the future's path.
"Restlessness and impatience change nothing except our peace and joy. Peace does not dwell in outward things, but in the heart prepared to wait trustfully and quietly on Him who has all things safely in His hands." - Elisabeth Elliot
At this confluence of life and a mind bubbling and brewing, I guess the most definite point I can conclude is this: I have a long way more to go yet. But take your time, because slowly I believe that you will see what you came here on Earth to live.
Labels: freedom, God, happiness, life, questions, work, worries
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