Painful Sacrifices; which really are worth nothing at all
"Most of us never truly die to self – we never really walk through the painful process of laying every hope, dream and wish of our heart upon the altar before our King, or of letting our identity become swallowed up in Him. And as a result, our emotions, personality, and desires quickly take over and control us, hollering and bellowing and clamoring for us to build our life around them.
Emotions must become subservient to the Spirit of God – to His will, His agenda, His purpose, and His direction. The vast majority of us have become enslaved to our own feelings rather than bondservants of Jesus Christ. We should never make decisions based upon what we feel like doing – but on what our Lord is asking of us. Loving Him is first an act of the will, a choice to put Him first – no matter what our feelings tell us. Once we learn to love Him with our will, our emotions and feelings naturally follow suit, and it becomes our greatest delight to give our lives wholly to Him."
—Leslie Ludy, Putting Emotions in their Place
Recently reblogged this on my tumblr, but I realised that I have more to say. Emotions themselves are pretty hard to make subservient to God's will; but here's another aspect. Not just our emotions, but all our hopes, dreams and wishes, must be laid at an altar to God so that we can fully live in Him.
So the other day, I said in utter dramatic despair to my mother, "I think I should accept that I might get a second lower." Then immediately I recoiled and was like, "No! No! I don't want to get second lower. Noooo..."
But my mother was nodding calmly and affirmatively, "Okay."
For those who don't know, I'm hovering on the line. It's nerve-wracking in the final semester because now I often think every move I make could put an end to these dreams. Yes, at this point, those of you who have better grades can feel superior if you wish, and those in the same boat can empathise, and those who have worse grades can think me spoilt and arrogant, but I must write about this.
There's no absolute necessity that I get a second upper. My father keeps reminding me, "The goal is to become a lawyer... No one cares what your degree is except that it's law." And thankfully, God hasn't put me under the stress of a conditional offer.
Reasons why I do want to get one anyway:
1) To prove myself. It's really strange, but although people have said things like, "You seem quite smart," and my grades have been generally good, I am of the opinion that a lot of law students (including myself) often feel mentally inadequate. Especially if you compare yourself to dean's listers, especially when always made to read armfuls of paper filled with unfamiliar terms and new ideas to absorb, especially when you're the one inside having to push yourself and make all these decisions about how best to study, to organise your ideas, etc. It's easy for outsiders to have confidence in you, but when you're the one who really has to drive yourself for these things to happen and you know how close you are to saying, "I give up!", then you just internalise that people don't really know what's going on and start not to trust their easily-issued affirmation.
2) In case I'll be needing them for a new job in the near future. Always possible, for a myriad of reasons.
But there are some other things I ought to remember:
1) As in biblical times, no (hu)man is saved by the size of their army. And the builder will labour in vain and the watchmen stay awake in vain, unless the Lord watches over their endeavours. His will shall be done, so honestly who am I to think that it relies so much on my human effort what my grades will be? And if he for some reason thinks that it is best that I get a second lower, then so I should be happy with it.
2) Stop looking for affirmation from the outside world, seriously. Your grades won't secure you a job unless God places you there. And if he wants you in a particular place, he can do so even if you technically wouldn't qualify or if the door appears closed already. And I've seen this happen in my real life, so I know he can fulfill all these.
3) Why am I here in the first place? I should remember that I wanted to live in God, if I was not to choose to die. It is in fact fairly arguable that much of the angst of my early life resulted because of certain highly-self-imposed academic and social expectations. And now that I have seen God, why would I entrap myself again? If I attempt to protect myself by these means again, I am merely lying to myself. And if I am caught up in this attempt, I will forget to keep my eyes on the prize - which they say is the surpassing glory of knowing our Creator, our God.
Walk on in faith, Alaris. :)
Emotions must become subservient to the Spirit of God – to His will, His agenda, His purpose, and His direction. The vast majority of us have become enslaved to our own feelings rather than bondservants of Jesus Christ. We should never make decisions based upon what we feel like doing – but on what our Lord is asking of us. Loving Him is first an act of the will, a choice to put Him first – no matter what our feelings tell us. Once we learn to love Him with our will, our emotions and feelings naturally follow suit, and it becomes our greatest delight to give our lives wholly to Him."
—Leslie Ludy, Putting Emotions in their Place
Recently reblogged this on my tumblr, but I realised that I have more to say. Emotions themselves are pretty hard to make subservient to God's will; but here's another aspect. Not just our emotions, but all our hopes, dreams and wishes, must be laid at an altar to God so that we can fully live in Him.
So the other day, I said in utter dramatic despair to my mother, "I think I should accept that I might get a second lower." Then immediately I recoiled and was like, "No! No! I don't want to get second lower. Noooo..."
But my mother was nodding calmly and affirmatively, "Okay."
For those who don't know, I'm hovering on the line. It's nerve-wracking in the final semester because now I often think every move I make could put an end to these dreams. Yes, at this point, those of you who have better grades can feel superior if you wish, and those in the same boat can empathise, and those who have worse grades can think me spoilt and arrogant, but I must write about this.
There's no absolute necessity that I get a second upper. My father keeps reminding me, "The goal is to become a lawyer... No one cares what your degree is except that it's law." And thankfully, God hasn't put me under the stress of a conditional offer.
Reasons why I do want to get one anyway:
1) To prove myself. It's really strange, but although people have said things like, "You seem quite smart," and my grades have been generally good, I am of the opinion that a lot of law students (including myself) often feel mentally inadequate. Especially if you compare yourself to dean's listers, especially when always made to read armfuls of paper filled with unfamiliar terms and new ideas to absorb, especially when you're the one inside having to push yourself and make all these decisions about how best to study, to organise your ideas, etc. It's easy for outsiders to have confidence in you, but when you're the one who really has to drive yourself for these things to happen and you know how close you are to saying, "I give up!", then you just internalise that people don't really know what's going on and start not to trust their easily-issued affirmation.
2) In case I'll be needing them for a new job in the near future. Always possible, for a myriad of reasons.
But there are some other things I ought to remember:
1) As in biblical times, no (hu)man is saved by the size of their army. And the builder will labour in vain and the watchmen stay awake in vain, unless the Lord watches over their endeavours. His will shall be done, so honestly who am I to think that it relies so much on my human effort what my grades will be? And if he for some reason thinks that it is best that I get a second lower, then so I should be happy with it.
2) Stop looking for affirmation from the outside world, seriously. Your grades won't secure you a job unless God places you there. And if he wants you in a particular place, he can do so even if you technically wouldn't qualify or if the door appears closed already. And I've seen this happen in my real life, so I know he can fulfill all these.
3) Why am I here in the first place? I should remember that I wanted to live in God, if I was not to choose to die. It is in fact fairly arguable that much of the angst of my early life resulted because of certain highly-self-imposed academic and social expectations. And now that I have seen God, why would I entrap myself again? If I attempt to protect myself by these means again, I am merely lying to myself. And if I am caught up in this attempt, I will forget to keep my eyes on the prize - which they say is the surpassing glory of knowing our Creator, our God.
Walk on in faith, Alaris. :)
m
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