the highs
Do you sometimes wonder what your soul looks like? Below your outer shell of being a female or a male, beneath how you look like and all your mannerisms.
Do you wonder how your soul looked like at different polarities of your life? At the moments in life when something inside you welled up and raged out, needy and thinking so much of what you want for yourself. Or at the moments when you cried out for someone else's struggles? Or at the moments when you strutted, full of smug happiness and proud to feel secure in it. And at the moments when you worried and wondered and felt uncertain of whether your actions were the right ones.
I don't know why I just thought of how it would look. I don't even know how it would look like, myself. But I had the thought that God knows, He knows utterly how it is and how it behaves and what makes it tick and what makes it happy and content. He can reach right through and see it, and touch it, and love it.
*
Just went to visit my old VCF CG and it was wonderful to hear from everyone and relate to them again. I think at this point in time, I see so much clearer than I did the Christian struggle. The struggle to put God where He should be, and to worship Him in the right way above every other thing. To see it does not mean to do it - and I am far from it, and realizing too that I will often be far because the fight in me of my human nature against that holy selflessness and wisdom to fear God. When I feel near to it, is only when God gives me the grace to see Him as clearly as that in my heart - for Him to be so big to me that everything else that I would worry about or fear or desire, fades or is blocked out in my vision. My fears seem so big it's hard to quash them, but His grace will be sufficient, and He will provide his daily bread - daily, to remind me of my need for Him too.
I am only doing this because I know there is no other way, but this way is the one that leads to life.
Life, said with a drawn-in breath and a blossoming smile, because this is what they call being alive.
And for these precious moments, I thank You.
Do you wonder how your soul looked like at different polarities of your life? At the moments in life when something inside you welled up and raged out, needy and thinking so much of what you want for yourself. Or at the moments when you cried out for someone else's struggles? Or at the moments when you strutted, full of smug happiness and proud to feel secure in it. And at the moments when you worried and wondered and felt uncertain of whether your actions were the right ones.
I don't know why I just thought of how it would look. I don't even know how it would look like, myself. But I had the thought that God knows, He knows utterly how it is and how it behaves and what makes it tick and what makes it happy and content. He can reach right through and see it, and touch it, and love it.
*
Just went to visit my old VCF CG and it was wonderful to hear from everyone and relate to them again. I think at this point in time, I see so much clearer than I did the Christian struggle. The struggle to put God where He should be, and to worship Him in the right way above every other thing. To see it does not mean to do it - and I am far from it, and realizing too that I will often be far because the fight in me of my human nature against that holy selflessness and wisdom to fear God. When I feel near to it, is only when God gives me the grace to see Him as clearly as that in my heart - for Him to be so big to me that everything else that I would worry about or fear or desire, fades or is blocked out in my vision. My fears seem so big it's hard to quash them, but His grace will be sufficient, and He will provide his daily bread - daily, to remind me of my need for Him too.
I am only doing this because I know there is no other way, but this way is the one that leads to life.
Life, said with a drawn-in breath and a blossoming smile, because this is what they call being alive.
And for these precious moments, I thank You.
Labels: life
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