Privacy - Or, who cares if people stare?
Everyone has a private side. Even the greatest extrovert you know, who may embarrassingly reveal feelings when it's not appropriate, has secrets; things they won't ever want to say.
When I was on my Europe trip and whenever my younger sister and I engaged in fist-fighting (not for real, she just likes to provoke me whenever I say I'm her role model, or actually just by copying my expressions when I haven't even done anything to her), my mother (who panics at the first sign of child trouble especially when she thinks we should be industriously trying to find our way) says, "People are looking at you!"
Was that supposed to be a scandal? Was that supposed to affect me?
As though that would stop me. Because looking is just looking, I've realised awhile ago. For me the real test is what people are thinking. Thinking things about you is entirely different, although this only matters when it's people whose opinions somewhat affect you. So if strangers look at me, I look at them, and I can think things about them too. It's a mutual exchange and it shouldn't really affect either person. It's only really bad when they look to the extent you know what they are thinking - creepy thoughts, severely disapproving want-to-lynch thoughts. And we were just having fun without disturbing people in like, a sleeping carriage, so I thought it was perfectly fine.
I don't think mere looking out of curiosity should stop one from being true to oneself. Neither should strong thoughts, if the thoughts conflict with a value you've chosen and hold dear. If I were a parent and my child was crying and I was using some ignoring-conditioning method on them, I wouldn't stop it just to be socially appealing. You've resolved to do that thing already, why do you care whether people look and what people think? That's almost akin to lying that no, you're not the sort of parent who uses behavioural conditioning when yes you do.
I don't really understand friends who live completely in private, who fear letting it be known whom they are close to or what they are doing. I wonder whether they've experienced negative things to do with that lack of privacy, like getting a stalker, but for the most part, I feel that they live in fear of being known, and this fear prevents them from doing things they want to do, that would enrich their lives. One possible example being dressing how they want - "I would like to dress like that, but it's kinda weird, isn't it?"
On the other hand, I am quite aware that I do stop myself from doing things that incur strong thoughts, or what I perceive to be thoughts that matter (obviously not thoughts related to how fashionably matched I am). I do have friends who feel that thinking doesn't matter either though. So I wonder whether I am still a step away from being freed, or merely suitably cautious.
I also thought that I should clarify - this doesn't mean I think everyone has to dress the way I dictate, because that may not be what they want. Their secret wish may be to apply makeup thickly everyday, or to ace their exams. Just that, why don't they do things they want, without worrying so much about thoughts that don't really matter? Or is it just that they don't want it enough, though they express they would like to try it?
Also I am not saying I don't think strong thoughts. I do, and sometimes express them, but I also allow that people can choose not to go along with those thoughts if they feel strongly about what they want to do.
P.s. I need to think this over more.
When I was on my Europe trip and whenever my younger sister and I engaged in fist-fighting (not for real, she just likes to provoke me whenever I say I'm her role model, or actually just by copying my expressions when I haven't even done anything to her), my mother (who panics at the first sign of child trouble especially when she thinks we should be industriously trying to find our way) says, "People are looking at you!"
Was that supposed to be a scandal? Was that supposed to affect me?
As though that would stop me. Because looking is just looking, I've realised awhile ago. For me the real test is what people are thinking. Thinking things about you is entirely different, although this only matters when it's people whose opinions somewhat affect you. So if strangers look at me, I look at them, and I can think things about them too. It's a mutual exchange and it shouldn't really affect either person. It's only really bad when they look to the extent you know what they are thinking - creepy thoughts, severely disapproving want-to-lynch thoughts. And we were just having fun without disturbing people in like, a sleeping carriage, so I thought it was perfectly fine.
I don't think mere looking out of curiosity should stop one from being true to oneself. Neither should strong thoughts, if the thoughts conflict with a value you've chosen and hold dear. If I were a parent and my child was crying and I was using some ignoring-conditioning method on them, I wouldn't stop it just to be socially appealing. You've resolved to do that thing already, why do you care whether people look and what people think? That's almost akin to lying that no, you're not the sort of parent who uses behavioural conditioning when yes you do.
I don't really understand friends who live completely in private, who fear letting it be known whom they are close to or what they are doing. I wonder whether they've experienced negative things to do with that lack of privacy, like getting a stalker, but for the most part, I feel that they live in fear of being known, and this fear prevents them from doing things they want to do, that would enrich their lives. One possible example being dressing how they want - "I would like to dress like that, but it's kinda weird, isn't it?"
On the other hand, I am quite aware that I do stop myself from doing things that incur strong thoughts, or what I perceive to be thoughts that matter (obviously not thoughts related to how fashionably matched I am). I do have friends who feel that thinking doesn't matter either though. So I wonder whether I am still a step away from being freed, or merely suitably cautious.
I also thought that I should clarify - this doesn't mean I think everyone has to dress the way I dictate, because that may not be what they want. Their secret wish may be to apply makeup thickly everyday, or to ace their exams. Just that, why don't they do things they want, without worrying so much about thoughts that don't really matter? Or is it just that they don't want it enough, though they express they would like to try it?
Also I am not saying I don't think strong thoughts. I do, and sometimes express them, but I also allow that people can choose not to go along with those thoughts if they feel strongly about what they want to do.
P.s. I need to think this over more.
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